Be

be humble
shut the f up when someone is talking
speak slower and listen more
don’t assume that you are always right when you talk to someone
esp someone who has more experience and who has seen more than you

Hepi

Happiness comes in full measure when you realise that the effort you’ve put into something translates into something that extends into society : when you spend hours surveying strangers in the sun and the rain, when you spend time persuading people to open up, when you stay up on Sunday night to make sure your copy is ship-shape, when you overcome layers of superiors implicitly questioning why you’re doing things a certain way, suggesting that you need to change or tone down certain things. When you actively mobilise resources available to you to see your work through, when it translates not in terms of page placements but genuine engagement – and the next day you get messages. An organisation telling you that it was thought-provoking, people saying that what you articulated resonated with their personal experiences, a teacher telling you that she is using your piece as teaching material.

I came home and sat down for dinner with my parents and had a proper conversation with them – a rarity given our erratic schedules. I told my mum about all the obstacles but also opportunities that work presents me; we shared about our love for feature writing and honing in on the lives of others; I told her all these lessons I have learnt in the space of this month. Why write? Write not for recognition or ego or money or fame – write for self-fulfilment, to give back to the organisations and forces that have shaped you. Write to be read, to be heard, to strike a chord. Be a writer first – do your duty, not your job. 不做工作，做责任

I met KW for lunch today, it was both a contemplative and bemusing experience. I’ve written about how he has intrigued me even when we were back in school, even amidst the teasing and judgment – they seem to roll off him like nothing mattered, and he stayed honest and true to himself. I think those are very admirable traits and I have always respected him for that regardless of what others have said. I like people like that – people who are wired a little differently, people who don’t play by the rules, people who aren’t afraid to be themselves. When I was younger, I almost rejected and suppressed that part of me who was defiant and idealistic. But now people tell me that what I am doing encourages them – and I feel so encouraged by that. I’ve never seen myself as being someone who can lead and change things – but then again, small things turn into big things, and we have to always trust that our divine discontent can lead us somewhere.

Because if I don’t try – who will?

things

‘Ya you’re helping to develop a vocab/space for dealing with this”

Things said in the paper, things said over lunch, things said over social media platforms with long-forgotten acquaintances. As much as I’m wrapped up in structures and institutions I’m glad that I didn’t let others’ doubts and considerations cloud my own will – if something gets read, something makes an impact – I’ve more than done my duty (and not my job)

It’s been a bit of a drifty period but I feel like there are more changes, decisions and bigger things afoot. A little reminder today that if I keep pressing on, things can be overcome : no matter how big or insurmountable they can be. I’m a reckless idealist but if you don’t keep being this way  – how can things change?

“Creativity and ego cannot go together. If you free yourself from the comparing and jealous mind, your creativity opens up endlessly. Just as water springs from a fountain, creativity springs from every moment. You must not be your own obstacle. You must not be owned by the environment you are in. You must own the environment, the phenomenal world around you. You must be able to freely move in and out of your mind. This is being free. There is no way you can’t open up your creativity. There is no ego to speak of. That is my belief.”

Jeong Kwan