hard hearts

我说阿尧,我们的世界,狂野又荒凉,妈妈她一辈子不会理解的。不是不愿意,是不能。不能的,一般人都不能,他们秩序的宇宙是也很脆弱的啊。

I said, Ah Yao, your mother will never understand the wild, desolate world we inhabit, not as long as she lives. It’s not that she doesn’t want to, she can’t, she simply can’t. Most people can’t, because their ordered universe is just as fragile.

I need: more care for two people at home, more tolerance for one other person because sometimes the gulf between you is so wide despite you being so similar to each other that some things are better left unspoken

I am: really someone who hates having ideas and dogma forced down her throat

一个星期在马来西亚,学到很多东西,一些好的,一些坏的。可是总之是学到了,就好。

afoot

Changes are afoot, both externally and internally. I felt so burnt out and negative before last week trying to finish things for the Lens events but I’m so glad that we pulled it off together as a team and the sense of satisfaction after four days of walking back and forth in the sun around the Marina Bay area is really hard to describe. It was so lovely meeting Lilly and discovering we had so much in common despite never having met before this…there were so many late nights of oily hawker food, beer and sitting around slightly drunk on wine talking about culture and foreignness and narratives and visuals and what we’re struggling with at work and life; what we’re trying to do in work and life. It somehow feels uncanny to me…like this seems to be a very important transition period for some reason I can’t fathom

For a few days I felt like I was slipping back into the old skin that I had previously inhabited in another city, in another time of my life. But you know what? I’m still the same person, that old skin is still inside me – I feel it within my bones. Seeing Bonnie and doing all these stuff over the past days has only reaffirmed that. In the end what I need to do is simple and basic: stay true to who you are and what you want to do, and never compromise for the sake of others or what other people say or tell you to do. Thinking about the past and experiencing the present taught me that this formula will never get old no matter how much things around us change…

 

taxi talk

my friends always end up revealing who they are when we take a cab home together. it’s inevitable, careless, our days are so much conditioned by our shifts and professions and daily charges. we are two teachers, a doctor, a bank employee and a reporter. ‘cliched professions’, I sigh, something on a list of occupations a primary school child would draw up. but they speak of their jobs with quiet pride. we are same same but different. it is a privilege to have walked through the days with these people – it’s been more than a decade already

Feeling

Really, rather happy in the recent days.

Kind of like how I felt when I was in kindergarten, when all I had to do was art and craft, running around with friends and being curious about the world.

Feel like I’m on a holiday, feeling like perhaps this would be like how I imagine life to be if I lived and worked abroad in a city that was just right for me.

Feeling like how I did when I was 11, over the December holidays, being blissfully buried in books every single day.

I don’t feel anxious, worried, stressed, tired….kind of reminding myself how I actually enjoy my daily routines, how life can be simple, happy and rewarding if there is a rhythm and a cycle to it.

Also finding time for other things: Learning Python, planning to study to convert my driving license soon.

This is how I imagine the Japanese minimalists feel…the people who take wonder in the small things….or how the characters in a Jimmy Liao novel live their lives, every day.

147DM

It was year 2013 and I was an exchange student at UCSB, doing my year abroad and attending a class called 147DM – ‘Doing Things With Media’

Reading this wonderful, critical reflection on pedagogy and I realised…I miss passionately being nerdy about a topic, zooming in on issues and topics, tunnelling into issues and being critical about them
https://gamertrouble.wordpress.com/2013/09/09/gaming-the-system-things-i-learned-by-asking-lit-majors-to-design-their-own-digital-games/

Stuff that I am interested in now (education-related): social justice, participatory methods, resistance (gaming the system), digital mapping, entrepreneurship/disruption/innovation

Hoping to do good work this coming week, here’s a quick hurrah

Please please please

Let me do what I want
Come up with interesting political subversive

Quietly powerful pieces of
work

This

This song takes you places – it evokes dreamscapes of ethereal islands, it soars with emotions and pierces with honesty, I’m sitting here in Singapore reading the intricately wrought prose of Sharlene Teo and listening to Sun Yunying; I’m sitting here in Singapore thinking of London and summer days walking up cliffs and evenings in Birmingham with my laptop on my lap and the sound of your laptop clicking in the corner and the window designed to keep the cold out and the placid isolation of the street where you parked your mini cooper. Time,where have you gone? These are the people and the places that I have left behind. I cannot continue being mediocre or just good enough anymore…There are so many things left to be done.